Human Being Or Human Doing? Burnout, Acceptance, & Recovery: Reprograming A Toxic Productivity Mindset
The Moment I Became Aware Of My Cycle Of Toxic Productivity
It was the oddest of things. Always attempting to look like I “have my sh*t together” while also being fairly mindful, the moment really caught me off guard. It probably stemmed from a few months of delving deeper inside and uncovering some somewhat uncomfortable realities that I had been casually ignoring about the past few years and personal projects, my lifestyle goals, and other things I had chosen to backburner concentrating on the true mechanics of.
Regardless of the reasons for the breach, there was no more ignoring it; I was overwhelmed and burned out.
The Random Instagram Post That Triggered Me
I can’t remember it specifically. But it was something like a simple sepia-toned image of a small pond, a tree off to the left side, a little faded… quietly framing a version of a quote I had read dozens of times over the years. But this time, it read slightly differently, and it cut me to the bone.
“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, why would you expect anything different?”
Yep, I’m sure you’ve heard some version of it, just like I had. But again, somehow this time—the way it was phrased or maybe the quiet moment I was in—it hit me differently. “Why would you expect anything different” looked me right in my eyes as it spoke to me, and demanded an answer.
It demanded me to stop ignoring a status quo that kept me just comfortable enough to ignore what might be beyond if I intentionally searched for whatever “it” could be.
Cue The Waterworks…AKA My Toxic Productivity Breaking Point
The dam broke and I lost it. In the middle of a normal afternoon, standing by myself in my $500/month 2-bedroom apartment in beautiful Bansko, Bulgaria, I started bawling my eyes out. Something gave.
Somewhere in between happy enough and truly enjoying happiness, my soul was wondering why “somewhere in between” was good enough for me to have settled into.
Fast forward a couple of hours, as I was on a video call with my super-smart and patient partner… who also happens to be a personal coach with a penchant for helping people dig a little deeper to find what’s holding them back—or what’s holding them hostage emotionally… and some of the reasons for my overwhelm started surfacing.
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Toxic Productivity—Ingrained And On Cruise Control
The short of it was that I was considering building another side project, hoping for that ever-elusive dream of “passive income” to finally become a reality. But the idea of doing something because I knew I could execute it, because it made sense, or because I knew it was viable, was no longer enough.
I had spent well over 6-7 years inside the side hustle culture of building and executing nonstop. Between my graphic design work (that actually pays the bills), TheNomadExperiment.com, writing, designing, and publishing a book, journals, youtube, and more, the idea of another so-so execution involving hundreds of extra hours over the following six months had caused the dam to break.
BTW. Passive income through blogging, item creation, etc., in my opinion is a complete lie, at least the way we’ve been sold it over the past 10-20 years. It’s another full-time job, with the same potential for burnout, so just don’t fool yourself. But I’ll leave that discussion for another time…
Digging Deeper On My Toxic Productivity Mindset
The real problem wasn’t even putting in the work, or even whether it would be successful or not; the real problem was the question of why I would choose to do it. It ended up coming down to this ingrained “need” for me to do, to execute, to look like I’m always busy, to somehow prove to myself—and others—that I’m valid and not lazy. For lack of a better label—Toxic Productivity.
Toxic productivity is defined as a mindset that involves working excessively to the detriment of other aspects of life, such as physical and mental health. It can manifest as a need to be constantly “doing” or “producing.” Signs of toxic productivity are burnout, depression, anxiety, and other physical and emotional health consequences.
After spending some time digging deeper, it was clear that I was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being irrelevant, or seeming lazy, or looking like I wasn’t working my ass off to earn whatever I had in my life.
Looking like I deserved and earned instead of actually taking time to enjoy the life I was attempting to build for myself.
What Are You So Scared Of?
If you’re still here, good on ya! But I think it’s time for the disclaimer. I’m so grateful for my life, scars and all, and I know I’m lucky to have the things and opportunities I do.
I also try to discourage myself and others from playing the comparison game. It’s important to work to be a good world citizen and attempt to do better for the world, but not to let those things overshadow the need for each of us to find what we need personally. Whether that’s with material things, or with “effort-based” ideas, or modeling someone else’s toxic productivity output.
My partner, having heard me say a couple of different ways that “I just don’t want to spend another 6 months doing nothing but work only to have another mediocre project out in the world that doesn’t feel great…or even produce,” finally asked me a question that I could never thank her enough for:
“If you’re scared of spending all that time and effort over the next 6 months with a result you won’t be happy about, what’s stopping you from just taking the time you would spend on that project and instead concentrating on enjoying the life you’ve built?”
I was once again stopped in my tracks. This time though because the idea she was presenting made so much sense. Fortunately…or unfortunately depending on how you look at it…the answer to her question of “what is stopping you” was literally… me. I was the thing that was stopping me from choosing that.
It was the uncomfortable ideas inside my mind of letting off the gas and the fears of “them” not thinking I was working hard enough.
My self-worth was somewhat wrapped up in these unrealistic expectations of what I “should” be doing with my time.
That I might be viewed as not appreciating the opportunities I had in life by working myself nonstop. Or confronting the fact that I had kind of forgotten what it felt like to not work all the time…and that scared me.
If You’re Not Being Productive, You’re Just Being Lazy
My association with enjoyment and play had been programmed over the years to be akin to laziness or being spoiled or wasteful. I’ll blame my Midwestern, middle-class, “if you don’t take the overtime and overwork, you’re wasting opportunities” upbringing.
I had… no have… a really hard time balancing the ideas of working hard and taking time to enjoy the life I’m working so hard for.
Remote work and being nomadic give the freedom to work whenever I want, but that can be a slippery slope when your work hours and personal time become so intertwined that it’s hard to truly “turn off” and combat toxic productivity gremlins.
I used to literally put in my calendar blocks titled “be spontaneous,” which I’m pretty sure is exactly the opposite of what spontaneity is, lol! I can’t ignore that this is just part of who I am or was, even if I’m aware that mindset needs some updating.
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Learning To Play Again… And Slowly Starting To Reprogram
After our 2-3 hour conversation I went inside myself. I spent a day or so wandering aimlessly, journaling, making lists, asking questions, staring into the ether, and everything in between.
I questioned what my days could look like if I only concentrated on making the money I needed to pay the bills—and keeping the insulin coming—while taking a break from all of my current or prospective side projects.
Ideating on what I could fill all of that extra time with if I chose to reclaim “play” or a more intentional use of my time over constantly chasing productivity or overworking.
I literally made a 3-page list of all the things I could do if I had more time devoted to play or enjoyment instead of work. I highly recommend this exercise!
About 48 hours after my burnout breaking point, I decided to consciously choose to spend the next 3-6 months doing just that.
Breaking The Cycle, Reprogramming And Re-Learning How To Enjoy Play And Being “Lazy”
That was about five months ago (as of this writing), and let me tell you, the time in between then and now has been both beautiful and grueling.
- Re-learning how to sit in quiet, still moments and enjoy them.
- Picking up colored pencils and watercolors and drawing for pleasure for the first time in probably 15+ years.
- Writing postcards and letters…with my hands… instead of with some digital medium.
- Getting back in the climbing/bouldering gym.
- Making a budget line for self-care costs that in the past I viewed as frivolous.
- Journaling, meditating, or concentrating on breathing and taking in the world around me.
Wandering aimlessly around new streets in new cities with no destination in mind or time constraints.
Buying armfulls of flowers and then spending multiple hours…on multiple occasions…creating flower arrangements. For my room and for decorating the common areas at my last coliving spot, just because I enjoyed it and it made me happy.
Or just choosing to hang out, linger, and “waste time” because it just felt right to be with people living life instead of behind my computer working away.
The exact opposite of toxic productivity or hustle culture norms—paying attention to my mental and physical health first, and truly trying to achieve a good work-life balance.
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7 Tips To Overcome Toxic Productivity Mindset And Habits
- Question the ‘Why’ Behind Your Hustle – Stop just doing things because you can or think you should. Ask yourself why you’re doing them and if they actually bring you joy or add value to your life.
- Avoid Negative Self Talk About Rest And Play – Society tells us we’re lazy if we rest or play, but screw that noise. Rest and play aren’t just necessary—they’re essential. We deserve and need time to recharge.
- Make Play A Priority – Seriously, put it in your calendar or on your to-do list if you have to, like I used to. You don’t need a reason to play or unwind, and it’s not wasted time.
- Learn To Say No – Saying yes to every opportunity isn’t realistic, and it can lead to other kinds of burnout. Guard your energy like it’s your most valuable currency—because it is.
- Set Boundaries With Your Work – Whether you’re freelancing, work remotely, or running a side hustle, you shouldn’t prioritize work 24/7. Set realistic goals, define your work hours, and then stick to them. And I suggest taking at least 2 full days off and unplugged in a row at least 2-3 times a month.
- Embrace The Unproductive Moments – Wandering aimlessly, “wasting time,” or just staring into the abyss—it’s all part of the process. Don’t judge yourself for stepping off the gas.
- Remind Yourself: You Are Enough Without The Hustle – Your value isn’t tied to how much you produce. You’re allowed to just be, without the constant pressure to do.
The Takeaway… And What Now?
I’m much happier now, but it’s a work in progress reprogramming all of that old mess inside about what I “should” be doing with my time.
Prioritizing mindfulness and intentional living isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it way of life…it requires more mindfulness and intention to stay focused. And even with that dedication, there are so many moments of retraction and stepping backwards or falling into complacency.
Balancing real priorities and necessities—like taking care of financial responsibilities and medical responsibilities—and hoping the future is taken care of isn’t exactly easy.
But let’s be honest, “financial security” is kind of unattainable, since for many of us, one (more) diagnosis, or emergency in our lives will have us back in figure-it-out mode regardless of how financially secure we trick ourselves into thinking we are in the short term.
So why not find a way to do the best you can for yourself now and in the future while really giving yourself the opportunity to slow down more often, play, include self-care and wellness, and literally stop to smell the roses every…single…time you see some roses that need smellin’? Break the cycle of toxic productivity that might be holding on to you and give yourself time to rest and recharge.
Cheers friend. Appreciate the time you spent here. Talk again soon. (Please share this article if you know someone it might help!)
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-Jason
Oh. And I don’t know what’s next. But I’m writing when it feels right, and sharing when it feels right. Not because I should. I’m hoping that the Universe will show me the right path now that my eyes are a little more intent on paying attention, and my heart is a little more open to saying yes.
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About Jason Robinson
Jason is the author of “The Beginner Traveler’s Guide To Going Nomad,” as well as the voice behind the words and the eye behind the lens for The Nomad Experiment. “Planning to travel at some point” wasn’t actually getting the job done, so nearing 40 he decided to make it a priority, nomatter how scary that was. A few years later—through the pandemic and a type 1 diabetes diagnosis at age 42—now living a life of nomadic travel, he’s speaking out to encourage others of any age, or with any serious medical diagnosis, to live an unconventional life.
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